And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
