dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
