Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
