We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
