I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
