Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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