I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
