So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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