so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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