I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We are all done wearing pants today
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
