all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
