Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
