i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
This toilet bowl is my home.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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