I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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