OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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