would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I AM VODKA MAN
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
