honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
