My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
