By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
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He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
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I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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