im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
