Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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