Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
