Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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