We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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