i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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