i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
