TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
