I'm going to jail i love you
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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