my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
