When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
