I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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