went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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