we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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