My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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