you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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