i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
