So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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