Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
