He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
fuck your aforementioned shoe
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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