He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
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she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
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You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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