I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
