I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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