Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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