did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
