I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
