I wish I only lived at night.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
