yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
