Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
