Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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