I could have mohawked her pubes.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
