so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
