If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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