so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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