i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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