Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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