if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
