The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
