i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
