I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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