Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
