I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
