I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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