Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
