Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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