No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
