She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
whose parrot is this?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
