"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I enjoy the company of your penis
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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