is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
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