He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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