And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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