I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
