I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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