I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Will exercising make me less horny?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
